This is all I think of

To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, the ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things. For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seem to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm I once had as a child. On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know! I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess. Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody, baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out then to fade away.

Peace, Love, Empathy. Kurt Cobain.

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. for her life will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU

A bag of old bones

They're watching me.
From my closet, I can feel their eyes,
Piercing into my rib-cage with red hot irons.
They're waiting for me;
Waiting for me to lose the composure I've slowly rebuilt, but I resist their calls, mostly.
I prevail over their midnight screeches and taunting entices.
But sometimes, at the devil's hour, I am weary from fighting and defending my temple.
Wholly consumed by their deafening shrills, I choose my weapon.

To satisfy their needs is to satisfy my own; to satisfy the gorges caused by your love.
Maybe I am the cause of this loathsome web of lies.
With tear-stained hands, I rip out my skin; flay myself alive to feel the pain I have selfishly inflicted upon others.
I am addicted to acquiescing my malignant spirits, and there is no rehab.
The bag of old bones in my closet never stop whispering my name.

Dawn light of the rising sun

This love is no longer likened to that of Hades and Persephone.The name Aeneas suits your betrayal; and I, your Dido.You sleep with me, yet, your heart remains faithful to your destiny. Such heartbreak deserves such acrid thoughts. I try to attack you at every opportunity for your misconducts, a most impassioned speech I can only replay in my mind. I curse you. I curse you for taking my honour and leaving without a word.As your prepare your departure, I prepare my pyre of your remnants.I shall cry out extraordinary lament for our love, Aeneas.I will bedamn your name to the Gods.Atop this structure, I will grasp your weapons and mourn the day you ever set foot on my shores. With these words, I'll plunge the sword through my heart.When you find me in hell, my repulsion will impel me to detest your glance, to stare blankly past your shade.

 Do not mourn my loss, for it was you who sent me here.

10:38am in London Town

Young love isn't real. None of it is. Never frown, Ophelia, for you must know there is life beyond the actions of such harlotry. One day you'll be sitting in a central London cafe reading a novel that'll catch the attention of an unsuspecting 26 year old  journalist. Sipping on his flat white coffee, with The Daily Telegraph underneath his arm, he will walk past your window and find purpose in your eyes. He'll help you silence the demons on the horizon. There is hope and you must find it, Ophelia. If not for your sake, then for the sake of those around you. Let not their happiness diminish with your own faith in the world.

retrograde

He did it again,
Magnifying his wound, marking his infidelity.
It was my fault before and it is my fault now.
It's all me.
I wasn't good enough.
I'll never be good enough.
He did it again.
It hurts more than last time, so much more.
The urge has come back.
I am disappointed.
How can others live through this?
Maybe they drink and smoke to ease the pain; but I, I raise my blade and twinkle its radiance in the sunlight with the hope it may ameliorate my torment.
The audacity crossed him to say his final goodbyes.
Even then, he couldn't hide his treachery, her name marring my soul as it illuminated on his phone.

- Adrienne